I'm gonna let the pictures do most of the talking here.
Let's just say that the visit to the jolly ole fake Santa did not go so well.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Monday, December 20, 2010
My feelings, I do have them
My last blog post was written in somewhat of a hasty manner. I don’t like much attention and I don’t like having to explain things umpteen million times. Thus, I wrote the blog post about what was happening on Friday as more of an “informative” post.
This will be more of the “insightful” post.
I’ve had a few days to think things over. The first thing I can tell you is that the daytime is easier than the nighttime. I suppose it’s because daytime keeps you busy enough to where you don’t have much time to stop and think. And even though it’s the more solemn time of day, there’s also something magical about the night too. It’s the only time Chris and I can lay there, hand in hand, face to face- whatever, and check-up on one another. Even though the physical portion of the miscarriage and D&C happened to me, I can’t forget that he shares in the emotional portion. We are both a little more emotional at night. It’s almost a simultaneous event- my head hits the pillow and a small tear (or many large ones) emerge from my tired eyes. Chris posed the question the other night, “Why do things like this have to happen?” I wish I knew the answer. All that I know is that our God still loves us the same as He did Friday morning before the appointment and that we have to trust in His decisions- however much we want to disagree.
Something I else I want to say is that I’m not as stoic as the blog sounded on Friday. I often have a tendency to get all the facts out, and then think about them, and finally display some emotions because of them. I WAS very sad, today I AM not as sad, but I MIGHT ALWAYS be a little sad. In the short month and a half that we knew about this baby we had started planning; thinking of how we’d transform the guest bedroom into Emmy’s big girl room, decided on names, looked at double strollers, received a baby gift…..ya know, all the things you do when you are expecting. It was easy to shift my mindset to having a new baby join us, it’s much harder to shift back. I would give anything to be pregnant with indigestion, 4am trips to the bathroom, and overwhelming exhaustion at the end of the day- but I know it just wasn’t meant to be.
The other realization Chris and I now have is that our daughter is such a MIRACLE. You think that since female mammals are equipped with these bodies to reproduce that it should be easy. IT’S NOT! My pregnancy with Emmy was not a breeze, and there was a small risk of premature labor because of my effacement issues. In talking to so many women about their pregnancies, it really is hard to find ones that were simply flawless. Every baby that is born is a miracle, that’s why the careless and irresponsible abortion just makes my stomach turn (but that is a subject deserving of its very own post).
Lastly, I want to thank you all for your out pouring of love. Your words, whether they were in person, over the phone, through an email, blog comment, facebook post, or text message meant the world to me. So many people offered food, company and help I am so lucky to have such an amazing support system. I have no doubt in my mind that prayers for the procedure and my body were received and answered. I couldn’t have asked for a better recovery. I amazed my nurses at my ability to function so quickly after the D&C.
The healing process has made much progress in just a few short days. I am very lucky that we were able to get into the OR Friday afternoon. Really, the physical healing is practically complete. As far as emotional healing- it’s going well too. Chris and I are focusing ourselves on each other and Emmy. We want to make sure we get all the spoiling in that is possible before we try again, and hopefully make her a big sister. Chris and I thank you for your prayers thus far, and we ask that you continue to pray for us. Mainly, we need continued peace over the situation and will need peace when we decide to try again. I can only imagine how hard the first 12 weeks of the next pregnancy will be. Again, thank you for your love. We are blessed beyond words.
I'll leave you with a picture of my baby who had an amazingly strong heart (175 beats per minute) but just wasn't compatible with further development. I am sad that our plans did not come to fruition, but also glad that the baby ( who I still think was a boy) never had to experience anything crummy in its life.
This will be more of the “insightful” post.
I’ve had a few days to think things over. The first thing I can tell you is that the daytime is easier than the nighttime. I suppose it’s because daytime keeps you busy enough to where you don’t have much time to stop and think. And even though it’s the more solemn time of day, there’s also something magical about the night too. It’s the only time Chris and I can lay there, hand in hand, face to face- whatever, and check-up on one another. Even though the physical portion of the miscarriage and D&C happened to me, I can’t forget that he shares in the emotional portion. We are both a little more emotional at night. It’s almost a simultaneous event- my head hits the pillow and a small tear (or many large ones) emerge from my tired eyes. Chris posed the question the other night, “Why do things like this have to happen?” I wish I knew the answer. All that I know is that our God still loves us the same as He did Friday morning before the appointment and that we have to trust in His decisions- however much we want to disagree.
Something I else I want to say is that I’m not as stoic as the blog sounded on Friday. I often have a tendency to get all the facts out, and then think about them, and finally display some emotions because of them. I WAS very sad, today I AM not as sad, but I MIGHT ALWAYS be a little sad. In the short month and a half that we knew about this baby we had started planning; thinking of how we’d transform the guest bedroom into Emmy’s big girl room, decided on names, looked at double strollers, received a baby gift…..ya know, all the things you do when you are expecting. It was easy to shift my mindset to having a new baby join us, it’s much harder to shift back. I would give anything to be pregnant with indigestion, 4am trips to the bathroom, and overwhelming exhaustion at the end of the day- but I know it just wasn’t meant to be.
The other realization Chris and I now have is that our daughter is such a MIRACLE. You think that since female mammals are equipped with these bodies to reproduce that it should be easy. IT’S NOT! My pregnancy with Emmy was not a breeze, and there was a small risk of premature labor because of my effacement issues. In talking to so many women about their pregnancies, it really is hard to find ones that were simply flawless. Every baby that is born is a miracle, that’s why the careless and irresponsible abortion just makes my stomach turn (but that is a subject deserving of its very own post).
Lastly, I want to thank you all for your out pouring of love. Your words, whether they were in person, over the phone, through an email, blog comment, facebook post, or text message meant the world to me. So many people offered food, company and help I am so lucky to have such an amazing support system. I have no doubt in my mind that prayers for the procedure and my body were received and answered. I couldn’t have asked for a better recovery. I amazed my nurses at my ability to function so quickly after the D&C.
The healing process has made much progress in just a few short days. I am very lucky that we were able to get into the OR Friday afternoon. Really, the physical healing is practically complete. As far as emotional healing- it’s going well too. Chris and I are focusing ourselves on each other and Emmy. We want to make sure we get all the spoiling in that is possible before we try again, and hopefully make her a big sister. Chris and I thank you for your prayers thus far, and we ask that you continue to pray for us. Mainly, we need continued peace over the situation and will need peace when we decide to try again. I can only imagine how hard the first 12 weeks of the next pregnancy will be. Again, thank you for your love. We are blessed beyond words.
I'll leave you with a picture of my baby who had an amazingly strong heart (175 beats per minute) but just wasn't compatible with further development. I am sad that our plans did not come to fruition, but also glad that the baby ( who I still think was a boy) never had to experience anything crummy in its life.
Friday, December 17, 2010
Just the Three of us
My computer is wimping out on me so please excuse any typos that WILL happen.
I'm going to make it short and sweet. Today at my Dr appointment I was 12 weeks and 4 days. We started the ultrasound and the baby looked exactly as it did at 9 1/2 weeks. There were no arms and legs, still buds, and there was definitely no heartbeat. Man, what an awful sound. Silence.
About a week ago I started feeling my symptoms subside, it kind of corresponded to the end of the first trimester. But I didn't remember ALL symptoms disappearing when I had Emmy. I just felt.......not how I thought I should be feeling. I shared my concerns with Chris this week but tried to downplay the worry. By nature I am not a worrier, so I've been a mess this past week. You couldn't see it externally, but the worry ate at my nerves and my patience. I completely went berserk on Chris last night for a no good reason. It was just the worry coming out.
So even though the news we found out this morning was sad news, I had a slight feeling of relief. I didn't have to spend every day worrying and wondering. Peace of mind really does feel good. Thank you God for restoring my sane mind.
Back to the appointment. After the ultrasound we met with the doctor and discussed options. After talking it out we opted for a D&C. It will actually be at 330 this afternoon. Pre-op begins at 130 and I should hopefully be headed home by 5ish. Just in time for rush hour traffic. If you are of the praying sort, I ask for you prayers for the anesthesiologists, doctor, and my body and that all things go well in general. Pray too for Chris as he has an emotionally heightened wife the next few days, and for Emmy-that she will
intrinsically know that my body will need to take it easy.
A few last thoughts before I end.
I'm so happy and excited for each and every one of you out there that is expecting your bundle of joy. For you first timers, it is the most amazing experience.
We will try again soon, after I have my first full cycle we are cleared to try. But I did get an rx for some birth control to keep our options open on the timing.
I know God looks out for us. And his plans were written long ago as far as my family goes. He also rocks because I believe it is more than coincidence that my sister( who lives 9 hours away in Indiana) will be in Kansas this weekend. What amazing timing.
If you see me out and about, don't feel you have to say anything profound. It's ok to acknowledge it and then we can go onto other fun topics.
Ok, that's it for the random thoughts. Thanks for making it this far and thanks for your love.
I'm going to make it short and sweet. Today at my Dr appointment I was 12 weeks and 4 days. We started the ultrasound and the baby looked exactly as it did at 9 1/2 weeks. There were no arms and legs, still buds, and there was definitely no heartbeat. Man, what an awful sound. Silence.
About a week ago I started feeling my symptoms subside, it kind of corresponded to the end of the first trimester. But I didn't remember ALL symptoms disappearing when I had Emmy. I just felt.......not how I thought I should be feeling. I shared my concerns with Chris this week but tried to downplay the worry. By nature I am not a worrier, so I've been a mess this past week. You couldn't see it externally, but the worry ate at my nerves and my patience. I completely went berserk on Chris last night for a no good reason. It was just the worry coming out.
So even though the news we found out this morning was sad news, I had a slight feeling of relief. I didn't have to spend every day worrying and wondering. Peace of mind really does feel good. Thank you God for restoring my sane mind.
Back to the appointment. After the ultrasound we met with the doctor and discussed options. After talking it out we opted for a D&C. It will actually be at 330 this afternoon. Pre-op begins at 130 and I should hopefully be headed home by 5ish. Just in time for rush hour traffic. If you are of the praying sort, I ask for you prayers for the anesthesiologists, doctor, and my body and that all things go well in general. Pray too for Chris as he has an emotionally heightened wife the next few days, and for Emmy-that she will
intrinsically know that my body will need to take it easy.
A few last thoughts before I end.
I'm so happy and excited for each and every one of you out there that is expecting your bundle of joy. For you first timers, it is the most amazing experience.
We will try again soon, after I have my first full cycle we are cleared to try. But I did get an rx for some birth control to keep our options open on the timing.
I know God looks out for us. And his plans were written long ago as far as my family goes. He also rocks because I believe it is more than coincidence that my sister( who lives 9 hours away in Indiana) will be in Kansas this weekend. What amazing timing.
If you see me out and about, don't feel you have to say anything profound. It's ok to acknowledge it and then we can go onto other fun topics.
Ok, that's it for the random thoughts. Thanks for making it this far and thanks for your love.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
And Emmy makes three...
Well, I suppose I need to change the name of my blog.
But seeing how I haven't posted about thus baby yet or Emmy's 16 month post- it'll probably be awhile until I get to the renaming part.
I want to introduce to you, the finest looking peanut out there.
( if this picture is bad, I'll redo when I get on my computer at home)
Why the blue you ask? Well, obviously we don't know yet what the gender. And frankly I don't really care. I just had an early feeling that it was a boy, but now my mind is wavering. I'm hoping at my appointment in January( 16 weeks, 4 days) they will be able to tell.
We also have names picked out.
I will reveal when we find out the gender.
And because I posted some pictures of number two, here is a pic of number one.
But seeing how I haven't posted about thus baby yet or Emmy's 16 month post- it'll probably be awhile until I get to the renaming part.
I want to introduce to you, the finest looking peanut out there.
( if this picture is bad, I'll redo when I get on my computer at home)
Why the blue you ask? Well, obviously we don't know yet what the gender. And frankly I don't really care. I just had an early feeling that it was a boy, but now my mind is wavering. I'm hoping at my appointment in January( 16 weeks, 4 days) they will be able to tell.
We also have names picked out.
I will reveal when we find out the gender.
And because I posted some pictures of number two, here is a pic of number one.
Monday, December 6, 2010
16 months...the post in which I backdate.
Ok, so it's officially December 12 but I am JUST NOW doing Emmy's 16 month post. Whoops. Only 6 days late.
SO...I backdated the posting to make it look like I posted this on time. But who am I trying to kid?!?!
So here is what has been going on in our world the past month:
SO...I backdated the posting to make it look like I posted this on time. But who am I trying to kid?!?!
So here is what has been going on in our world the past month:
- Emmy has a few new words: cracker, more (signing it too), milk (sign only), bye bye tree, weeeeeeeee (that's an old one, but too cute not to mention), bah-bah (spider), soos (shoes)
- There are SO many more words that she's trying to say. If we speak words slowly, she tries to repeat. It's the best, but it also means we both need to start watching what we say a little more closely. NOT referring to terribly bad words, but just ones we wouldn't want to hear come out of her sweet mouth.
- She loves looking at the fire but has never attempted to come close to it. She stands, points and says "OOOOOOOOOOH".
- Also, when Chris and I are adding wood to the fire, Emmy loves to come and hug our backs. She's not a huge front hugger, but she CANNOT.RESIST.HUGGING.OUR.BACKS.....odd, I know. But I love it.
- She can take her socks and shoes off, she also tries to put them on.
- Emmy moved up a class at school and is now down to one nap a day, about 1.5-2 hours long. This has yielded a much longer total nap time, but I think she is still missing that afternoon nap just a bit.
- Little miss thing loves the ornaments on the Christmas tree, so we have moved them all up past her reach. She has one snowman ornament that she's allowed to hold.
- In lieu of touching the tree and ornaments, we told Emmy to just say "HI" to everything. So now she says HI and when we leave for school, we say "Bye Bye Tree"....actually, bye bye in general is now bye bye to the tree.
- We had a wonderful Thanksgiving up in KS with the Ensley fam.....until 7 people came down with the Great Stomach Bug of 2010. We did not, thank you Lord. Really........thank you Lord.
- On occasion Emmy has shown signs of temper tantrums: stomping of feet, gently throwing herself on the floor....I know this is just the beginning. OH BOY!
- Always an outdoors girl, it doesn't matter if its 20 degrees, that's all you want.
- Maybe we are boring? Emmy asks to go bye bye allll the time, even if we've only been home for an hour.
- Wearing a size 5 diaper, 4 1/2- 5 shoe, clothes range from 18 mos to 2T, weighed in at 27# at Thanksgiving.
- Lower Left Lateral Incisor finnnnaaaallllyyyy broke through Nov 30.
- Everyday Emmy's personality, strong will, and loving personality shines through even more. We are excited to be adding to our family and can't wait to see her with her new little brother/sister.
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