My computer is wimping out on me so please excuse any typos that WILL happen.
I'm going to make it short and sweet. Today at my Dr appointment I was 12 weeks and 4 days. We started the ultrasound and the baby looked exactly as it did at 9 1/2 weeks. There were no arms and legs, still buds, and there was definitely no heartbeat. Man, what an awful sound. Silence.
About a week ago I started feeling my symptoms subside, it kind of corresponded to the end of the first trimester. But I didn't remember ALL symptoms disappearing when I had Emmy. I just felt.......not how I thought I should be feeling. I shared my concerns with Chris this week but tried to downplay the worry. By nature I am not a worrier, so I've been a mess this past week. You couldn't see it externally, but the worry ate at my nerves and my patience. I completely went berserk on Chris last night for a no good reason. It was just the worry coming out.
So even though the news we found out this morning was sad news, I had a slight feeling of relief. I didn't have to spend every day worrying and wondering. Peace of mind really does feel good. Thank you God for restoring my sane mind.
Back to the appointment. After the ultrasound we met with the doctor and discussed options. After talking it out we opted for a D&C. It will actually be at 330 this afternoon. Pre-op begins at 130 and I should hopefully be headed home by 5ish. Just in time for rush hour traffic. If you are of the praying sort, I ask for you prayers for the anesthesiologists, doctor, and my body and that all things go well in general. Pray too for Chris as he has an emotionally heightened wife the next few days, and for Emmy-that she will
intrinsically know that my body will need to take it easy.
A few last thoughts before I end.
I'm so happy and excited for each and every one of you out there that is expecting your bundle of joy. For you first timers, it is the most amazing experience.
We will try again soon, after I have my first full cycle we are cleared to try. But I did get an rx for some birth control to keep our options open on the timing.
I know God looks out for us. And his plans were written long ago as far as my family goes. He also rocks because I believe it is more than coincidence that my sister( who lives 9 hours away in Indiana) will be in Kansas this weekend. What amazing timing.
If you see me out and about, don't feel you have to say anything profound. It's ok to acknowledge it and then we can go onto other fun topics.
Ok, that's it for the random thoughts. Thanks for making it this far and thanks for your love.