Friday, November 25, 2011

What's in a name?

And she has a name...and it will be...

Nora Lee Sanders

Sanders...because I'm 90 percent Chris is the father.  Just kidding just kidding.  Based on the last ultrasound I'm fairly convinced she's going to look more like him than Emmy.

Lee...because for the past few generations on Chris' side, the 2nd child has been the same gender as the 1st child and bears the middle name of Lee.

Nora...because we like it.  And after looking up the meaning, which is "light" just fits.

Emmy says "No-wah".  A little more dramatic than Noah, but not quite with the R of Nora.  We finally told her about the baby in my belly.  She was interested for one night but hasn't asked since.  We'll tell her again in a few more weeks and see what she thinks then.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Manners, Please

We practice manners almost every minute that Emmy is awake.

Usually the first words out of her mouth in the morning?  "I watch Tooey Tooey" (read: Toy Story).  I correct her and make her repeat with me "Mama, may I watch Toy Story please?".

Almost everything she wants starts with "my".  I know in her mind it means the same thing as "may I please have".  And gosh darn it, the little girl is smart- why use 4 words when you can use 1? But I love her and I want her to be a well mannered and respectful child.  So, as much as humanly possible, we say things using manners.

Today on the way home from church, I hear from the backseat "My Tooey Tooey please?".  Ah, sweet victory is mine.  She just said please without being prompted!  I immediately turned on the movie for her and commended her for using manners.  As soon as I started praising her, I then hear "May I please watch Tooey?".  WHAT?  Even better!

Now I'm no dummy.  I am pretty certain these events will be few and far between.  But I'm so glad my little "Emmy honey" is starting to use her manners, all by herself.

Monday, November 14, 2011

full cycle

As I sat there in my hospital bed, the chaplain having just prayed over me, the sweet nurse who was trying to give me a bit of hope said "There are so many women who have gone through what you are going through right now and we see them back here within a year.  It'll happen again for you".  

I had a few more minutes with family and was then wheeled back to the OR room for a d&c. Sad should have been the primary feeling, but I found myself a little numb. That's just what I do in highly emotional situations.  My mind tries to process the logistics before I move onto emotions.  It wasn't until a few nights later (when all visitors had returned back home) that it hit me.  

I was sad.  I was confused.  I was empty.  I was angry.

Being a Christian, I would like to say that at this point I drowned myself in scripture, but I didn't.  I would like to say that I spent so much time on my knees in prayer, but I didn't do that either.  I had traveled through dim valleys before, but after this miscarriage- I found myself in the darkest valley yet. At this point all I could do was ask others for prayer.  Thank the Lord for those prayer warriors who were able to lift me up when I couldn't do it for myself.  

Hope slowly returned into my life.  I remembered the nurse telling me of all the women who returned within a year, and I started holding out hope that my story would follow suit.  If I were to be returning within that 365 day period, I needed to deliver a full term baby by Dec 17, 2011.  For those who have ever walked this road before, that means I needed a positive test by mid-April.  Well, mid-April rolled around and much to my surprise......A POSITIVE TEST!  But the feeling of victory and hope was short lived.  Another miscarriage.  The pregnancy didn't even last long enough to get to the doctor's office to hear a sweet heartbeat.

What was wrong with my body?  

I fell back into a really bad place.  Not exactly bitter at those around me who were experiencing the joy of pregnancy and new life, but just feeling sorry for myself.  I don't know...maybe I was bitter, but what an awful admission of self.

Eventually, just as before, my hope returned.  It returned just in time to grieve again.  June 27.  The day I was to have had a baby.  I think the anticipation of the day was much worse than the actual day.  Thank goodness.

So here we are now.  I found out I was pregnant in mid-July.  It means that I got pregnant just days after the expected due date.  I am pregnant, and I am so extremely grateful.  But I cannot sit here and say that it was easy to get to this point.  Throughout the journey, I never ceased to believe in God or His plans for the Sanders' family of 3.  I just couldn't understand.  Chris and I asked the age old question, "Why do bad things happen to good people?".  The answer did not show itself immediately.  And for awhile, I couldn't even get past the tears to even think about the answer.  

We have come full cycle and now I know these things (not saying I understand).
1.  God knew that Chris and Jordan Sanders needed to experience going through the due date without being pregnant again.
2.  There are some amazing Christian women whose outreach saved me many times.
3.  I now have the opportunity to be a #2 on the list.  
4.  Sharing joy is so much sweeter than sharing grief.  But it's in sharing grief with one another that relationships grow.

There is so much more that I have learned.  I am better friend now.  I appreciate small victories much more now.  I believe so much more in God's faithfulness.

Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father
There is no shadow of turning with Thee;

Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not

As Thou hast been Thou forever wilt be.

Great is Thy faithfulness! Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see;
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided
Great is Thy faithfulness Lord, unto me!

Emmy baby

Sweet heaven baby

baby whose name means "light"
(PS: I promise I'll reveal the name after we tell our families.  We decided today on the spelling)

Sunday, November 13, 2011

21 Weeks

Emmy belly

Present Belly

  • Weight gain? Umm, yeah....15lbs? And that might be on the low side of the estimate.
  •  Stretch marks? None that I can see :)
  • Belly button? I have an insanely tight belly button normally (as in it looks like just a little slit).  It's starting to expand though!
  • Gender? a baby sis for Emmy! and we have a name.  But I haven't told family yet.  
  • Cravings? Anything that doesn't leave a weird aftertaste in my mouth.
  • Latest hormonal outburst? yes, many, but none that actually make for a funny story.
  • Vomiting? . Early on I was nauseous (subsided around 14 weeks), but no vomit from me.  Although there were many times I wish I could have.
  • Feeling prepared? Um, no, and I don't intend on preparing until after the holidays.  I mean hey- we have all the gear, all the clothes, just need some diapers
  • Names? Chris' choice. He has decided, but we aren't quite certain on the spelling.
  • Random pregnancy side effects? I cannot use minty toothpaste anymore, makes me gag.
  • Maternity Clothes? OH YES.
  • Work? Yes, will work up to D-Day.
  • Horrifying picture? No horrifying ones that I know of unless someone caught one of me?  Chris did manage to snap a sweet shot today, I'll post below.
  • Funny for the week:  Even though haven't officially told Emmy about the baby, she lifted up my shirt the other day and said "Baby Julie, mama's belly?"  (Baby Julie is her brand spankin new cousin.  We really hyped up the baby in the belly leads to baby on the outside concept).  She is smarter and more intuitive than I care to admit.  This will probably ruin her trust in us for the rest of her life...oh well.

Friday, November 11, 2011

Friday morning perfection

She's not a huge fan of cookies and cake, but the girl loves her some donut holes!!!