...why we, as a nation, have developed such a sense of entitlement. Everyone thinks they deserve everything...too many are depending on the government to fix their financial lives...
...why so many parents give everything to their children without things having actually been "earned"
...if any of the tax changes under the Obama administration will affect me this year (this one I could actually understand if I researched)
...who invented participation ribbons. I never got ribbons just for participating and I think my self esteem is just fine. In fact, it helped me understand at which things I excelled, and which things needed more attention. I just wonder, are we doing a disservice to our kids by always making them the winner?
...why it's so easy for teenagers to get pregnant in the back seat of a corolla, but why a married couples whose only desire is to start a family must go through treatment and heartache when they aren't really guaranteed a success
...what was going through Emmy's mind. Each day, I think I start to understand her more (well, as much as I can since she doesn't really talk and doesn't really care to sign)
...why babies have to suffer awful medical conditions. They have no understanding, it just doesn't seem fair that they have to endure a tough fight when all they should really be doing is eat/sleep/poop/play and repeat. Maybe its b/c they ha vent learned the art of griping and pitying oneself.
There are a lot of other things in life that I don't quite understand, but I think that maybe I wont understand these things until I'm sitting with the Father. He has designed some things to be mysteries and others to be solved. Some things appear to be practical, and others not.
I dont't think and dwell on these things often but they do cross my mind. What about you...are there any recurrent questions that you have?
Showing posts with label deep thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label deep thoughts. Show all posts
Monday, August 23, 2010
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Dealing With Change
So if anyone WAS concerned, I'm not REALLY going to start cereal yet! I'll just blame 1) a growth spurt, or 2) the bottle that she had. Probably TMI, but I think the sleep may have a little to do with her bottles of expressed milk. I usually pump right after she gets done eating and is in bed. So, from here on out- I'm going to make sure her night time bottle is the milk I had pumped from the previous night (lots of good fatty milk)...
Ok, onto the real meaning of thist post:
I found it very interesting while pregnant all the well-intended comments from people about pregnancy and parenthood. Those comments came across as either POSITIVE or NEGATIVE, nothing really in the middle. You know, some would say "this will forever change your life in the best possible way" and some would chime in with "oh man, you're never gonna sleep again, have time to yourself like you did before...wait for the teen years...yada yada"
Here's the deal: I think when big changes occur you can't dwell on how life was PREVIOUSLY. Your life is how it is at the moment, not how it WAS and not how it WILL BE. Why waste time thinking about how seemingly great life used to be, by doing that- wouldn't one just miss out on all the great things of the moment?
Life is full of changes, I think of where I was just 3 years ago. Fall 2006 Chris and I were engaged getting ready to be married. We lived in a craptacular duplex in Claremore (yes, together, for like 2 months before we got married...I know, shame shame). Chris was working for a small civil engineering firm in Talala and I was at my current work place. The next year we moved into a nicer duplex, still at our same jobs. Fall 2007 I start grad school for petroleum engineering, wow- does that change things up. Spring 2008 we decided to buy a house, I'm still at my job- but Chris has resigned from his and is looking. He finds a job just before our house, phew. We move to Tulsa, Chris lands a job at APAC and we start working on the house. Fall 2008 we get 2 pups.....then..... I come home from class one night very disillusioned about life. I figure out that what I'm currently doing isn't doing it for me anymore. The answer? Start a family! Summer 2009 Emmy is born.
If you ask me, it's a tremendous amount of change in 3 years. But I don't think much about how great things "used to be". What's the point? Things are too great right now to think about the things I miss from the past. Because, really, I'm not sure I miss the past. I love right now. How could I not?
Ok, onto the real meaning of thist post:
I found it very interesting while pregnant all the well-intended comments from people about pregnancy and parenthood. Those comments came across as either POSITIVE or NEGATIVE, nothing really in the middle. You know, some would say "this will forever change your life in the best possible way" and some would chime in with "oh man, you're never gonna sleep again, have time to yourself like you did before...wait for the teen years...yada yada"
Here's the deal: I think when big changes occur you can't dwell on how life was PREVIOUSLY. Your life is how it is at the moment, not how it WAS and not how it WILL BE. Why waste time thinking about how seemingly great life used to be, by doing that- wouldn't one just miss out on all the great things of the moment?
Life is full of changes, I think of where I was just 3 years ago. Fall 2006 Chris and I were engaged getting ready to be married. We lived in a craptacular duplex in Claremore (yes, together, for like 2 months before we got married...I know, shame shame). Chris was working for a small civil engineering firm in Talala and I was at my current work place. The next year we moved into a nicer duplex, still at our same jobs. Fall 2007 I start grad school for petroleum engineering, wow- does that change things up. Spring 2008 we decided to buy a house, I'm still at my job- but Chris has resigned from his and is looking. He finds a job just before our house, phew. We move to Tulsa, Chris lands a job at APAC and we start working on the house. Fall 2008 we get 2 pups.....then..... I come home from class one night very disillusioned about life. I figure out that what I'm currently doing isn't doing it for me anymore. The answer? Start a family! Summer 2009 Emmy is born.
If you ask me, it's a tremendous amount of change in 3 years. But I don't think much about how great things "used to be". What's the point? Things are too great right now to think about the things I miss from the past. Because, really, I'm not sure I miss the past. I love right now. How could I not?
Thursday, August 13, 2009
the TMI labor and delivery post...edited with surprise ending
So, first off- this is probably TMI- but I want to write it to remember.
Second, I'm certain some times are off- but hopefully everything is in order.
At my 39 week appt, I had my membranes stripped. That evening (Tuesday) I noticed alot of extra fluid, but it kind of smelled like urine. So I passed it off as a leaky bladder since Emmy had settled even lower. I should have known better though, because I had not experienced bladder issues ALL pregnancy. Anyhow- my parents and sister were in town staying with us and I think that might have had something to do with me not wanting to go to the hospital to get it checked out. I didn't want to get everyone's hopes up for nothing.
I wake up Wednesday morning and get ready for work. I'm still leaking a little and call a coworkers wife who was an ob/gyn nurse. She suggested I go to the hospital and get it checked out- sounded like fluid to her. I then called my dr's office and the triage nurse told me it sounded like I wasn't leaking heavy enough.
I got home from work and actually caught a sample of unknown fluid- smelled it and it DEFINITELY was not urine. So I called Chris and told him we needed to go to the hospital that evening. I wanted to eat dinner first though, so we had our Bueno and I took a shower. Note that I had not been having any regular contractions, that would have been a good sign that it was indeed my water that broke.
We get to the hospital, admitted into triage and the nurse uses the nitrizine swab and it immediately turns blue- yep,water broke. Yay! Time is close to meet Emmy, but the nurse and dr are worried that I might need an antibiotic since it was close to 24 hours since my water had broke. They eventually decided I was ok after monitoring my temperature. Another dr from the office was on call Wednesday night, I had never met her but heard she was great. She came in and asked me if we wanted to get things rolling or wait awhile and try to deliver the next morning when my dr arrived (7am). I had a hard time deciding, I said "no offense to you, but I'd definitely like my dr to be here"....but in the grand scheme of things, "let's get things rolling". Little did we know how long it would take.
At 10pm I get started with the Pitocin drip. They start it off slowly, more to help dilation than encourage contractions. As they upped the Pitocin, my contractions definitely started getting stronger. It's strange though, they felt completely different from Braxton Hicks. My BH occurred more in the upper/middle uterus and in my back. The real deals were mainly in the lower uterus- I guess like cramps? I don't know, I don't get crampy. Anyhow- I digress.
I had checked into the hospital dilated to a good 4 and progressed to a 5 VERY slowly. At 3am I requested some drugs and got some Stadol. I wanted the epidural, but I think they were waiting on my contractions to get stronger and closer. The Stadol definitely helped take the edge off, I was able to take about an 1 1/2 hour nap.
Around 515am I got my first epidural, it felt great. I could feel the warm sensation going down my legs until things went numb. AWESOME!. At around 715am my dr came in to check, I was only dilated to a 6. She did a little extra "stretching and encouraging". Some time after the epidural the nurses rushed in and put me on oxygen. Emmy wasn't responding well to the strong contractions and her heart rate was dipping. After spending awhile on my side and on the mask, things settled down. Also, somewhere in the mix- they had to place an internal contraction monitor. The external monitor wasn't giving the best readings. This didn't hurt at all, but did leave a few spots on Emmy's head from being placed.
Soon thereafter I received my 2nd epidural. The machine had been beeping saying it wasn't getting the drugs into and through the catheter. The anesthesiologist on call (different from 1st one) came in to check the epidural. He removed the catheter and there was a clot in it, I had not been receiving any drugs since the initial administration. He said the feelings wear off in about 2 hours, so that's why I still felt like I had been receiving drugs. He barely got the 2nd epi placed, he was just having a hard time with the catheter in my spine. He told me he had done all he could do and just couldn't get it to flow, right after that- it started working! Yay, sweet pain relief. Bring on the drugs.
Somewhere between 930 and 10am I go from 9cm to 10cm. Once I get to 10, my wonderful nurses tell me to just wait to push until I feel the sensation. I asked them if I would feel that sensation, given the fresh epidural. They said I should feel it, but I never did. They came in around 30 to 40 mins later and told me it's time to push. I asked for a mirror, and we got started. My nurses were great coaches, and Chris was a great support. He got brave enough that he thought he wanted to look in the mirror too, to see what was going on- but I told him not too. He has a history of weak stomach in hospital settings. But he was AWESOME through the whole labor and deliver.
I start pushing and somewhere in the mix, the nurses figure out that the 2nd epi is not pushing the drugs into my spine anymore. Hmm, no wonder I can feel my toes, calves and scratches on my stomach. Oh well, it is still helping enough that I can't feel the most important part.
I must have pushed around an hour and a half, I had my hopes set for pushing less than that- I figured I could have done it quicker- but oh well, she's here. Emmy's head was having a hard time getting around the bend (under the pelvic bone....not sure if my small hips have anything to do with that?)
So, push, push, push, breathe, push.....encouragement from nurses, appearance of dr- she puts on her gear and something that appears to be a welders mask...push, push, and she's here.
EMMY CHRISTINE SANDERS arrived at 1210 pm. I can't even think of the word to describe the moment that they put her on my chest. WOW. That's my baby girl and she looked just like me! They weigh her and she tips the scales at 7lbs 2 ounces. Her cord was around her neck and there was some meconium in the fluid, but no worries- it was in the "hind part" of the water. So I suppose she could have weighed a little more than that. The nurses get her cleaned up and eventually measure- 19 1/2 inches tall. What a perfect little being.
As they are cleaning her, one of the first things the nurses notice how far her first 2 toes spread apart. Just like her daddy.
After they get her measured and APGAR completed, I get her back! We work on feeding as the lactation consultant (boob whisperer) comes to visit and then she goes off to the nursery with Chris to get her first bath. They are gone for awhile and I get my first hospital meal. At this point, I really don't care what it is. I missed breakfast and I'm starving.
Around 330-400ish, we get moved into the postpartum room and stay there until we got discharged Saturday at 2pm. It was so wonderful that my dr made it for the delivery, and then she was on call over the weekend.
I had a great experience at St John, everyone was so wonderful. My nurses made me feel so great about what I was doing. We held lots of conversation during the pushing part, talked about iPod playlists, and cracked a few jokes.
It was such an amazing experience. Towards the end of pushing when i was just *tired* of pushing, I kept talking to God in between contractions. I kept saying, "God please give me the strength to complete this- you will receive all praise". And He gave me the strength, and He did get the praise.
It's just so ironic that we spent so much effort keeping Emmy IN earlier in the pregnancy, and then it took her so long to get out! I had issues with dilating because of a LEEP procedure I had a few years back for an abnormal pap. It left some scar tissue on the cervix and made it hard to stretch out. It also caused my cervix to shorten, which resulted in bedrest.
I think had the nurses stretched the cervix sooner, things would have progressed faster. But I know God was in control and things went exactly the way He had planned them.
I'm just so thankful for all the prayers along the way and for a dr who is a Christian. It's just nice to know that the person looking after your pregnancy believes and trusts the same God that you do.
If you made it to this point, so sorry for all the rambling. I *think* I got in all the details that I want- but who knows, I'll probably go and edit later.
In other news, Emmy left the hospital at 6# 12oz and 2 days later was up to 6# 14.5. We go back for her 2 week appointment next week- I wonder if she'll be back up to birth weight?
She's such a good baby. Last night she ate at 12, 4 and 7. We are getting some good sleep for new parents. I hope I am not jinxing anything.
That's it for now, we're going on a little walk with the little girl.
Ok, if you read this whole thing, you deserve a picture.
Second, I'm certain some times are off- but hopefully everything is in order.
At my 39 week appt, I had my membranes stripped. That evening (Tuesday) I noticed alot of extra fluid, but it kind of smelled like urine. So I passed it off as a leaky bladder since Emmy had settled even lower. I should have known better though, because I had not experienced bladder issues ALL pregnancy. Anyhow- my parents and sister were in town staying with us and I think that might have had something to do with me not wanting to go to the hospital to get it checked out. I didn't want to get everyone's hopes up for nothing.
I wake up Wednesday morning and get ready for work. I'm still leaking a little and call a coworkers wife who was an ob/gyn nurse. She suggested I go to the hospital and get it checked out- sounded like fluid to her. I then called my dr's office and the triage nurse told me it sounded like I wasn't leaking heavy enough.
I got home from work and actually caught a sample of unknown fluid- smelled it and it DEFINITELY was not urine. So I called Chris and told him we needed to go to the hospital that evening. I wanted to eat dinner first though, so we had our Bueno and I took a shower. Note that I had not been having any regular contractions, that would have been a good sign that it was indeed my water that broke.
We get to the hospital, admitted into triage and the nurse uses the nitrizine swab and it immediately turns blue- yep,water broke. Yay! Time is close to meet Emmy, but the nurse and dr are worried that I might need an antibiotic since it was close to 24 hours since my water had broke. They eventually decided I was ok after monitoring my temperature. Another dr from the office was on call Wednesday night, I had never met her but heard she was great. She came in and asked me if we wanted to get things rolling or wait awhile and try to deliver the next morning when my dr arrived (7am). I had a hard time deciding, I said "no offense to you, but I'd definitely like my dr to be here"....but in the grand scheme of things, "let's get things rolling". Little did we know how long it would take.
At 10pm I get started with the Pitocin drip. They start it off slowly, more to help dilation than encourage contractions. As they upped the Pitocin, my contractions definitely started getting stronger. It's strange though, they felt completely different from Braxton Hicks. My BH occurred more in the upper/middle uterus and in my back. The real deals were mainly in the lower uterus- I guess like cramps? I don't know, I don't get crampy. Anyhow- I digress.
I had checked into the hospital dilated to a good 4 and progressed to a 5 VERY slowly. At 3am I requested some drugs and got some Stadol. I wanted the epidural, but I think they were waiting on my contractions to get stronger and closer. The Stadol definitely helped take the edge off, I was able to take about an 1 1/2 hour nap.
Around 515am I got my first epidural, it felt great. I could feel the warm sensation going down my legs until things went numb. AWESOME!. At around 715am my dr came in to check, I was only dilated to a 6. She did a little extra "stretching and encouraging". Some time after the epidural the nurses rushed in and put me on oxygen. Emmy wasn't responding well to the strong contractions and her heart rate was dipping. After spending awhile on my side and on the mask, things settled down. Also, somewhere in the mix- they had to place an internal contraction monitor. The external monitor wasn't giving the best readings. This didn't hurt at all, but did leave a few spots on Emmy's head from being placed.
Soon thereafter I received my 2nd epidural. The machine had been beeping saying it wasn't getting the drugs into and through the catheter. The anesthesiologist on call (different from 1st one) came in to check the epidural. He removed the catheter and there was a clot in it, I had not been receiving any drugs since the initial administration. He said the feelings wear off in about 2 hours, so that's why I still felt like I had been receiving drugs. He barely got the 2nd epi placed, he was just having a hard time with the catheter in my spine. He told me he had done all he could do and just couldn't get it to flow, right after that- it started working! Yay, sweet pain relief. Bring on the drugs.
Somewhere between 930 and 10am I go from 9cm to 10cm. Once I get to 10, my wonderful nurses tell me to just wait to push until I feel the sensation. I asked them if I would feel that sensation, given the fresh epidural. They said I should feel it, but I never did. They came in around 30 to 40 mins later and told me it's time to push. I asked for a mirror, and we got started. My nurses were great coaches, and Chris was a great support. He got brave enough that he thought he wanted to look in the mirror too, to see what was going on- but I told him not too. He has a history of weak stomach in hospital settings. But he was AWESOME through the whole labor and deliver.
I start pushing and somewhere in the mix, the nurses figure out that the 2nd epi is not pushing the drugs into my spine anymore. Hmm, no wonder I can feel my toes, calves and scratches on my stomach. Oh well, it is still helping enough that I can't feel the most important part.
I must have pushed around an hour and a half, I had my hopes set for pushing less than that- I figured I could have done it quicker- but oh well, she's here. Emmy's head was having a hard time getting around the bend (under the pelvic bone....not sure if my small hips have anything to do with that?)
So, push, push, push, breathe, push.....encouragement from nurses, appearance of dr- she puts on her gear and something that appears to be a welders mask...push, push, and she's here.
EMMY CHRISTINE SANDERS arrived at 1210 pm. I can't even think of the word to describe the moment that they put her on my chest. WOW. That's my baby girl and she looked just like me! They weigh her and she tips the scales at 7lbs 2 ounces. Her cord was around her neck and there was some meconium in the fluid, but no worries- it was in the "hind part" of the water. So I suppose she could have weighed a little more than that. The nurses get her cleaned up and eventually measure- 19 1/2 inches tall. What a perfect little being.
As they are cleaning her, one of the first things the nurses notice how far her first 2 toes spread apart. Just like her daddy.
After they get her measured and APGAR completed, I get her back! We work on feeding as the lactation consultant (boob whisperer) comes to visit and then she goes off to the nursery with Chris to get her first bath. They are gone for awhile and I get my first hospital meal. At this point, I really don't care what it is. I missed breakfast and I'm starving.
Around 330-400ish, we get moved into the postpartum room and stay there until we got discharged Saturday at 2pm. It was so wonderful that my dr made it for the delivery, and then she was on call over the weekend.
I had a great experience at St John, everyone was so wonderful. My nurses made me feel so great about what I was doing. We held lots of conversation during the pushing part, talked about iPod playlists, and cracked a few jokes.
It was such an amazing experience. Towards the end of pushing when i was just *tired* of pushing, I kept talking to God in between contractions. I kept saying, "God please give me the strength to complete this- you will receive all praise". And He gave me the strength, and He did get the praise.
It's just so ironic that we spent so much effort keeping Emmy IN earlier in the pregnancy, and then it took her so long to get out! I had issues with dilating because of a LEEP procedure I had a few years back for an abnormal pap. It left some scar tissue on the cervix and made it hard to stretch out. It also caused my cervix to shorten, which resulted in bedrest.
I think had the nurses stretched the cervix sooner, things would have progressed faster. But I know God was in control and things went exactly the way He had planned them.
I'm just so thankful for all the prayers along the way and for a dr who is a Christian. It's just nice to know that the person looking after your pregnancy believes and trusts the same God that you do.
If you made it to this point, so sorry for all the rambling. I *think* I got in all the details that I want- but who knows, I'll probably go and edit later.
In other news, Emmy left the hospital at 6# 12oz and 2 days later was up to 6# 14.5. We go back for her 2 week appointment next week- I wonder if she'll be back up to birth weight?
She's such a good baby. Last night she ate at 12, 4 and 7. We are getting some good sleep for new parents. I hope I am not jinxing anything.
That's it for now, we're going on a little walk with the little girl.
Ok, if you read this whole thing, you deserve a picture.
LOVE TO YOU ALL!
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